I am sure that there are some readers out there right now who think that I am completely crazy as far as this title is concerned. I was there shortly after my ex-husband and I first separated…I thought that I was going to go insane with how quiet the house was all the time! I got a dog, spent more time with the kids, played lots of music, got a cat to entertain the dog (which also entertained me) and even dove into the dating world a bit once the divorce was final. I went to lots of yoga classes, kept my day planner filled with church activities, social events, and late night meetings.
In reality, I felt more alone during those times of crazy busy-ness than I do now that I have started to loosen up on my schedule a lot. Oh sure, things were great when I was out with people, socializing and making those connections. However, when I went home I was even more lonely than I had been before, and the silence was deafening for sure. That led me to book myself up more, even with activities that maybe I truly didn’t enjoy or particularly want to do at the time…just so I didn’t have to be alone. It truly did become a vicious cycle, and an experience that could have led me down a much more difficult and dark path.
As a recovering relationship addict, I used to feel as though I was not complete and whole without someone else who I identified myself with. I was someone’s mother, someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, someone’s wife…but I found it very challenging back then to think of myself without that outside link. After the divorce I did have more of an opportunity to truly get to know MYSELF, just Anita…and for the first time I truly did begin to love, respect, and enjoy the person that I have become. I still love being a momma, a daughter, a friend, and more. However, now that I really do know and love who I am on my own, I can fulfill those roles better than I ever have.
After a time, I realized that the moments alone became truly enjoyable! I can watch silly, mindless television. I can go for a walk with the dog. I can find a yoga class or spend time at the gym because it feels good to move my body. I can cook new recipes that nourish me from the inside out. Really, it boils down to the fact that I can do whatever I want with that time alone, even if it means doing nothing! I can also focus on the fact that I am comfortable with that time alone, because I do like who I am as a person.
Try it, my friend…as with any new habit or skill, it may take practice. Let me know how it goes for you, and if I can support you while you journey into loving your time alone!
March 26, 2019