This blog is definitely a product of TRUE life experience…

Oh, my dear friends…I will not go on about how sorry I am to be here talking about divorce, or how sorry I am that you came across this website while searching the Internet for information about divorce recovery (or a variety of other keyword combinations).  I won’t tell you that I never thought that I would be discussing this topic, because I think that I had an idea that I would be divorced at least a year or more before it really happened.  At this point, I don’t plan to discuss the negative aspects of divorce in detail, or to dwell on topics such as “how to get over your ex” or “how to stop the horrible loneliness that comes after divorce is final”.  At this point, you may be wondering what exactly I plan to talk about here, if I am not going to focus on some of the more common topics that are a part of divorce recovery in the traditional sense.  Perhaps I need to explain my personal and heartfelt opinion about the most misunderstood opinion on divorce…

Hold on to your hats, ladies…

Don’t read this next part aloud, or the folks around you make seriously think that you have lost your mind…

Divorce is NOT the same thing as death!!!!

Not even close.

What that also means is that you don’t have to spend the next 365 days (or whatever the experts recommend) moving through the stages of grieving the loss of your marriage.  Yes, you may experience sadness as a result of your divorce.  I did…I won’t lie.  However, I also learned through my personal journey that I wasn’t grieving the loss of my husband; I was grieving the loss of the image of marriage that I had in my mind many years ago, even as far back as my childhood.

I also have experienced some anger.  I’m not talking about the anger towards my ex-husband (although because of the divorce process itself, there were some moments when I became pretty ticked off at how he was handling himself).  In reality, I was angry at MYSELF in many ways:  because I had allowed things to get to the point that they did, that I really lost touch with my own identity during the marriage, that I hadn’t been taking care of myself or nurturing my other relationships, and even angry that I had allowed someone to treat me as if I was not worthy of their love.

Sure, I felt fear at first too!  After so many years of being with him, how was I ever going to make it in this crazy world on my own?  Would I be able to provide for myself financially?  Would God stop loving me because I couldn’t make our marriage work?  What if all of my friends stopped speaking to me because I was now the single woman of the bunch?  Where would I live, would people blame me for it, what if something happened to him because of our divorce…and on and on and on…

I didn’t seek counseling to help me to work through the emotions.  I allowed myself to feel them without focusing on them forever.  I journaled a LOT about things, because that helped me with processing it all.  I spent time in prayer about it, and really focused on listening to what God was speaking into my heart during the quiet moments with Him.  I went to work, I took care of my kiddos, I enjoyed taking care of our new home, and I dove deeper into my yoga practice.  In other words, I focused on LIVING.

And my sweet friend, guess what?  I soon discovered that I really did enjoy living this life as it was AT THAT MOMENT.  Not even despite the divorce (like it was some sort of unfortunate circumstance); I enjoy living life BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE.  I learned so much about myself, about life, about forgiveness, about friendship…and about strength.  Without that divorce, I would not have learned all of those things at just the right time in my life.  I pray that you will discover more about yourself during YOUR personal journey as well.  Allow yourself to feel the emotions and feelings that come up, but don’t let yourself become those feelings.  Keep the daily activities of life a priority, and enjoy each day and the opportunities that time provides to you.  Take your time with this, make sure that you are practicing good self-care during this season of life, and think about where you want this road to take you.  This is your chance, love…it’s all up to you!

March 19, 2019

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